Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Randomize
