Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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