There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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