Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
