ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
