found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
