Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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