This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
