I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
