Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
