My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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