well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
