Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You can't just leave with hair like that
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
