I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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