My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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