So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
