All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's official drugs can't kill me
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
