if i can run in heels then i can drive
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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