I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
