Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
