I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
