it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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