I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
