Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have fence marks all over my body
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
