I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
