I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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