K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
