We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
