omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
