I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
