I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
