i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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