Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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