dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
