his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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