I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
