I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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