I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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