i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
