Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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