you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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