It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
