I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
