you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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