I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
