That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
