there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
