Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
