My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
