Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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