My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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