Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
