remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
