watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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